Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
