I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
