I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
