i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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