I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
