my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
