I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
