I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
