I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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