Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
