I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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