all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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