Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
