So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
