She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
