at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes