i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
