At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
