somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
