Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
