I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
