member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
