I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
