Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We are all done wearing pants today
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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