Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
