pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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