I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
