i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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