He uses pillows to masturbate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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