We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
