just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
