Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
