A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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