Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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