Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't deserve a penis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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