every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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