I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
