As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
