i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
