I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
