Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
