The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize