I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
