So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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