i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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