who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
