I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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