I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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