Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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