Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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