also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
