Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
