I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
