it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
