Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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