He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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