There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, he came in my armpit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
