I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
