There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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