I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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