i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
