haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
