Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
