i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
