New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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