I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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