I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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