After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
