he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
