nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I'm really busy with my period
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