you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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