Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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