I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
