Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
