She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
