party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
