I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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