He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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