I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
