so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
