Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
