Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
