yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
