Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
