So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
