i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
