Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
